© Debra Wolf
I was recently reading about the practicalities of making a Life Plan post-divorce. That’s probably something I should have considered following my own divorce, but I didn’t. And I haven’t done so, explicitly, since. Here’s why.
A Life Plan is something I did try my hand at in my teens and twenties, before the term was even in use. I was simply doing what came naturally. Planning. And that meant identifying
- my goals
- how to achieve them
- contingency plans
- resources needed
- possible contacts to help
- a desired time frame
- measurements for accomplishment
- periodic assessments to make adjustments.
I suspect the basics of a life plan haven’t changed much in 25 years, but now we talk about these things, in terms of life coaching and professional coaching. We also have software (and very skilled, certified Life Coaches) to facilitate the process – and broaden it.
It’s useful that we remind divorced men and women to look at these elements of planning and evaluation, in light of all the changes that occur when marriages end. This is particularly important if children are involved.
The view from here
Planning skills are certainly helpful in high school, college, graduate school, and in the workplace. They’re even helpful in one’s personal life, and certainly helpful when raising a family. This is when the “juggle” gets especially complicated; multiple (conflicting) schedules often mean compromises to career, financial implications, and personal dreams. Teamwork and communication become essential. It’s all part of successfully parenting.
When you’re parenting on your own, for awhile at least, all bets are off. That’s been my situation, as professional endeavors were orchestrated around the responsibilities of single parenting. For many years, I managed it seamlessly (to the outside world, at least). And some years, it was more of a challenge.
When all bets are off
When you’re dealing with many elements over which you have little to no control, many of the assumptions built into life planning don’t apply. In the best of all possible worlds, your goals and tasks become guides. Frustrating? Of course. And then what? 
In this economy, with parenting constraints, logistical (geographic) constraints, and budgetary realities, how can a Life Plan be used in a more flexible context – to facilitate, educate, and improve one’s situation? How can you avoid getting stuck in tasks that no longer make sense, or don’t reflect current reality?
Suggestions
I mentioned to friends awhile back that all my planning was being tossed out the window. So much was beyond my control that the neatly laid out objectives and steps to achieve what I wanted had nothing to do with my real life. I was throwing out folders and lists, and going with the flow. I was over it. And over my head trying to work in a box in which I no longer fit.
- Of course I’m not throwing out my planning skills.
- Of course I still have ambitions, responsibilities, details that require monitoring to not lose track of them.
- And I am adopting a go-with-the-flow attitude, much more than ever before in my life.
- As for the services of a certified Life Coach, if one happens into my world – I’ll certainly be listening!
- And if you’re looking, be sure to find a certified professional life and business coach, according to your needs.
Somehow, I think a rigid plan of any sort stifles creativity, and may cause you to overlook an opportunity. Highly structured plans may be possible to follow when you’re younger, but they often don’t cut it when your world grows more complex. Creativity and spontaneity thrive when you don’t bind yourself up too tightly in your expectations, or what worked 10 years ago, or 20 years ago.
An effective Life Plan, in my opinion, must allow for the unknown. And you must be nimble enough to recognize an opportunity and act on it.
That also means growing comfortable with more risk, less data, continuous learning, and even making a bit of a fool of yourself. But last I looked in the mirror – that hasn’t killed me. It has, however, taught me a few life lessons I’ll never forget.
A parting thought
Whether your planning for yourself, for your children – personally or professionally – my suggestion is to go light on the “musts” and heavy on the backup options. Make connecting and staying open high on the priority list when it comes to personal qualities and resources you need to succeed.
That’s my advice to myself as well. And I plan on taking it.
© Debra Wolf

When I go into someone’s home, I look at the books on their shelves, and the art on their walls. Or lack thereof, in both instances.

I think most “collectors” feel these things – and naturally, knowing that what’s on your walls holds its value is a good thing; that it increases in value, even better. But more than anything – the pleasure of the experience, each day, has to do with a joyful celebration of the sensory and the cerebral. Something I’m glad is part of my everyday life.
Even if you’re using an employment agency or recruiter, this is necessary due diligence. And do the same for the agency or headhunter!!
This is a situation that is particularly grueling. You’ve proven yourself in the workforce over and over again, and you can’t compete – or so it seems – against younger, less qualified, ostensibly “cheaper” resources.


Selling ourselves is part and parcel of daily life. Not just in the business world. You sell yourself when applying for a grant to make art, or an application to graduate school.
Balancing your professional life and your personal life may not be in the news much of late, given collective worry about keeping our jobs, or getting new ones. But for many families, in particular working women – or single parents of either sex – it remains an ongoing challenge, especially in recessionary times.
Ten Tips for Recruiting Creatives
